"dreamer.believer.creator"

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11/01/08--19:54: "...cowardice.." (chan 2682213)

hello rei-chan..
yeah...for a long while i havent opened my multiply..

things had occurred, a hell lot of them.
and you know what..?
right now i am in the pressure cooker of my life..
stress..depression, heartache, all of it in a single soup..
and i am sinking inside..

work...at the onset of the transition days, the pressure of not being able to get it..
and the pressure of the upcoming assessments,
of being scared..
i feel like running like a child...being this sad and crying..
i want a different atmosphere..the aura is intoxicating..
i want fresh air..it is poison.
was i driven to do this with the wrong drive..? the wrong reason?
was it all just for the money? i wont perform well with all this stress..
and all this chaos..and i want fresh air..so much of fresh air..

i want a vacation from everything..can i ask my mom to give it to me..?
i hope so..

heart issues..
i have my answers..the whole truth..i know that it is over..it is futile..
i dont want it to be that way..but i guess i have to face the truth...


11/03/08--02:20: "...the songs that i love..will love, forever loved." (chan 2682213)

thought extraction. some of the songs that really affected my life.
and they depict my recent life as well..
i hope you like them as well...included here are the title of the song and the catch line i loved in the song!

"there's always that one person who will always have your heart..
you never see it coming 'coz you're blinded from the start..
girl that you're that one for me..it's clear for everyone to see..
ooh baby..you will always be my boo.." -usher/alicia keys: "My Boo"

"i tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone..but though you're still with me..i've been alone all along.." - evanescence: "My Immortal"

"the world would die, and everything may lie...still you shouldn't cry.
'coz time may pass, and everything may last..
i'll be by your side..forever by your side.." - rivermaya: "214"

"when the lights disappear, and the world's insincere..you'll be safe here..
from the sheer weight of your broken dreams, wounded heart..
you'll be safe here..
in my heart..from a long, cold night..sleep tigh...


11/05/08--19:05: "on the ground..face first." (chan 2682213)

thoughts in the air right now..
this is day three..
yeah,,and my life has turned from slightly heavenly..to oblivion.
right...rei-chan is on the ground right now.

to those who will read..i have something to tell you.
if you read over this entry..i tell you..and strongly tell you: "never be like me.."

i gave up..and i chose to run away..because i can't face the pressure..because the world is pressing upon me..and now? it really did..and not only that..it is all falling apart.
and with me along the debris, face first on the dust.

i lost my job...because i chose to be a coward.
i broke my heart..and now i have to let it all go.
i was afraid...and because i was broken, and because i can't stand the crowd..i gave in to the voice in me..slowly shouting..screaming at me..to let it all go. and run..

run as fast as my feet can carry me..
to where there is no pain..to where i can just shout..
i ran because i chose not to fight anymore.
i ran away...and now...the whole world hates me..
they all hate me..and i b...


11/07/08--00:18: trippings around cavite! ^^ (chan 2682213)

after...48 YEARS?!?!?! yes..finally...uploaded by adik julius...and posted by me again.. enjoy enjoy...khit n mainit... the five historical landmarks of the revolutionary cavite.. cradle of the first republic.. (the 5peso man. hahaha!) agunaldo shrine, tejeros, tallest flagpole. battle of alapaan.. mabuhay! (senor!! ipglaban ang karapatang


11/10/08--08:17: "...family collage.." (chan 2682213)


CONCEPT: (well, searched for some pics over the laptop..thought of a new wallpaper for the laptop, and thought of a family picture..i said to me.."why not..?" and there..a few flicks with the photoshop..plus a bored yet still functioning mind..with frames, frames and MORE frames..voila.!)

..i just thought..we never had a family pic as formal as this..after 12..? 13 years? as i recall, the last one was taken when we had our vacation in Cebu, my grandparent's home. (mother's side..) it was just one of those occasions that dad was able to come..and that everything went well..and a family pic.

also, digicams are not a hit at that time..(i wonder..they weren't even invented. :P)

(commercial. i hate the net connection. i was supposed to just post the pics here in multiply..but the uploading takes FOREVER!! **sigh of frustration** so i just thought, why not post the collage and burst all the hatred here..? (appeared to be a better idea. ^o^)

ayan...(showing off rei-chan..no, not really. i just ...


11/12/08--03:51: "..name 10 pe0ple...^o^" (chan 2682213)

Name 10 people you can think of right off the top of your head. Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 10 people. This is a lot funnier if you actually randomly list the namesfirst. No cheating. (okok...let's post this!)

1. avira
2. katrina
3. bhe
4. bb julie
5. kuia allan..
6. jaq
7. ryuji
8. kervin
9. vinchi
10. ianne..



1. how did u meet no. 4?
- first year college in info imus..^^

2. Do you have a crush on anyone up there?
- crush? i think ex-crushes? hehehe...

3. How does number 1 affects your life?
- 1 is one of my bestfriends.

4.What would you do if 6 and 2 were going out?
- kat is happy with her life...super happy.
 
5. How did you meet number 8?
- youth ministry,choir.tropang kets!
 
6. Is 2 one of your best friends?
- something we never ask. hahaha! YES!
 
7. Whose number 9's best friend(s)?
- regina. hehehe...^^
 
8. Have you ever dated number 1?
- friendly date with kat and nadz..! ^o^
 
9. do u miss number 4?
- a lot...wanna see her..
 
10.what do u...


11/14/08--14:19: s0me family pics... (chan 2682213)

searched over the laptop ans saw this!! some of the pictures when dad was still here in phils. and the reunion with my tita from the states... post post post...(so i have to post so early in the morning?! my gas!! *sighs*) there..like i said..something special for a change. ^^ i miss my


11/14/08--15:37: "a touching story of faith.." (chan 2682213)

(a very touching..and inspiring story of a little's boy's faith in God. something my mom received in her email. wanted to share. manhid ang hindi iiyak!!!)


SOMEWHERE IN MILAOR, CAMARINES SUR, PHILIPPINES THERE LIVED A FOURTH
GRADER BOY NAMED ANDOY WHO WOULD FOLLOW THIS ROUTE TO SCHOOL EVERYDAY.
HE HAS TO CROSS THE RUGGED PLAINS AND CROSS THE DANGEROUS HIGHWAY WHERE
VEHICLES ARE RECKLESSLY DRIVING TO AND FROM. ONCE PASSED THIS HIGHWAY,
THE BOY WOULD TAKE A SHORT CUT BY PASSING BY THE CHURCH EVERY MORNING
JUST TO SAY HI TO JESUS, AND FAITHFULLY SAY HIS, “MAGANDANG UMAGA PO “
IN BICOL DIALECT.

A PRIEST, WHO WAS SO HAPPY TO FIND INNOCENCE SO UPLIFTING IN THE
MORNING, WAS FAITHFULLY WATCHING THE BOY. “KAMUSTA ANDOY! PAPASOK KA
NA?” “OPO PADRE…” HE WOULD FLASH HIS INNOCENT GRIN, THE PRIEST WOULD
BE TOUCHED.

THE PRIEST WAS SO CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE TALKED TO ANDOY, “FROM
SCHOOL…”, HE ADVISED “DO NOT CROSS THE HIGHWAY, YOU CAN PASS THROUGH
THE CHURCH AND I CAN ACCOMPANY YOU TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE...


11/16/08--17:52: "friendster under chaos.." (chan 2682213)

hmph. friendster. i can't check my friendster..
don't they have pity? it's like three days already! and i miss my friendster! not that i dont check it on a regular basis (24/7)..but i just miss checking out my friendster..

...they say friendster database has been hacked. inflitrated. (i dont care what term or whatsoever.) by some unknown computer and up to date! the team is still struggling to fix the damages caused by the infiltration. (i dunno...cguro they banned some user and the user just took revenge. recalling the steve..was it steve? something who was angry with the FS team...i just read it in the groups and users are redirected to his page..i guess..)

the power of the hacker. and how many millions of people are at an inconvenience.
and as i type here right now..? FS is in another scheduled maintenance..(my my my..)

..i just hope friendster team makes the necessary repairs. and kill the culprit. ^o^ i just wish people wont use their superior knowledge for PURE EVIL..! hate that!

but g...


11/18/08--07:13: kat.viri.rei..again again again..! (chan 2682213)

hahaha! again.. and this time...my friends are happy!! and i am happy for them!! ^^ haix...kulitan m0ments xa crib nLa kat..and the MAIL MERGE!! waaahh!! ..my treasures.my friends...forever.. 9years of strong friendships... mixu girLs! a


11/18/08--23:29: "mga utos n Bob Ong? something from agapito...^^" (chan 2682213)

this caught my attention. and it is good! share2!

Mga Utos ni Bob Ong

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.." (-rei: for my bff..nku nku nku..! TNDAAN!)

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.. Kaya quits lang."

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, pilii...


11/20/08--23:57: to Glitter-Graphics! (chan 2682213)

cute m0nkey ruLes..!


11/25/08--09:04: "message paperboat" (chan 2682213)

...for all the times that we have and we could have had..
and the stories that you and i have shared..
life in this little world would have never been the same
..it will never be the same,
had it not been because of you..

..hello dear friend, hello..
somewhere i know you can see me..
though i know that i can't go where you're going..
but it's safe to know..it's to safety that you'll go..
do you remember the laugh times..? i write them in the air..
so our laughter will be sung forever..like this wind..
and this air..

i watch over you...as you waved your hand..
and in my mind and heart i bade goodbye..
though our parting causes hurt...
but we'll be under the same sky..
one day..where there's no you and i.

dear friend i wish you the best...
i'll remember your smiles...and please take along mine..
just keep on going..and i'll be strong here..
and i'll be ever proud of our story...
are you proud of me..as i am ever proud of you...?
i am grateful...and i know you're grateful too...

so i'll be singing with a happy ...


11/28/08--00:59: "...i am a teacher..." (chan 2682213)

i am a teacher.

i go to school everyday. meet the people. meet the students. create a teaching strategy, discuss a lesson. talk. make and check assessments. compute and give grades. i impart knowledge. i share what i know.

i am a teacher.

behind a faculty door i laugh. i ask questions regarding lessons that i have difficulty on imparting with my students. i still study. i still ask. behind that faculty door is a world..a different world where all are professionals who talk to professionals. a master of the art and a learner of a craft. we direct and allow ourselves to be lead. we light others, but we also need light.

i am a teacher.

outside the school walls i have friends. i have my life. i have my sentiments. i have my right to myself. but i am not just anyone when i see my students. i am called and treated and showed with respect a student gives to a teacher. there is pride when students say that they have learned a lot because of you. when you have done your part in the most crucial...


12/01/08--00:26: IHE info.bcoor kulitan... (chan 2682213)

st0ckroom of all the kulitan sessions with me and my


12/01/08--23:34: "jupiter smile" (chan 2682213)

make a smile..strike a pose
with hearts that pretend and hide the pain
with the music teasing us to dance along...
is it just the melody that calls me to you..?
or the hypnotizing beauty of your eyes..
i am ever drawn to you..
princess of the dark enchanted night...
you can play with my heart..to tear me apart..
with a smile you kiss the tears goodbye..
but you're more of a dream than bitter reality...
can you be reality..jupiter smile..?
you're like a drug..
and i want all of you yet i can't..
and each day calls me just to want to touch you
more and more..
is it the night wind that whispers this sadness..
that makes me call out to you?
you can have my heart and you can break it...
but you're just a part of the tapestry..
unreality..don't wanna stop..
dreaming...and seeing..and make-believing..
in my fantasies there's no one but me and you..
i fall for those lazuli eyes..and the jupiter smile..
my jupiter smile..
make my smile..as i strike a pose..
with hearts that pretend to hide the pain..
i wish i can kill t...


12/07/08--22:15: "reasons to HATE YOU!..and yet..." (chan 2682213)

I SIMPLY HATE YOU!!!

y’wana know why???

-coz you broke my heart

-you played with my feelings

-you made promises and then broke them…

-you taught me to love yet not to forget when i had to!!!

-you seemed to be hapi in denigrading me and then saying that you dont!!!

-you cheat at my back as you tell me you’re loyal!!!

-you wouldn’t care if ever i cried

-or even understand why i am acting this way…

-you couldnt appreciate me even when i show you that i do!!!

-couldnt care a damn if i give my everything and expecting nothing…

-instead you ask for more!!!

-we go to dates and you always pick on someone else…

-eat a lot and then id pay the bills!!!

***shmuck***

damn you!!

-you even have me wash your clothes…

-and even bathe your dog…

-you even have me clean your house

-and even if i do…

-you scold me more…

-accuse me of cheating though you know i keep my word…

and worse of all…

-you kept me dangling when you dont love me anymore!!!

you see that i have a lot to hate you for…

but then…

i ask m...


12/12/08--16:58: "some magic beans from sir rommel" (chan 2682213)

waahh!!! this sucks...but it's very deep though..

hope you guys like this one. something from my mail...sent by sir rommel. a message from his friend. read over. (something about love??? i guess...♥)

.

One of the reasons why people get too sentimental, because memories are the things that don’t change when everything else does; there are things in life that you can't hold on forever,
no matter how much you fight for it. Sometimes destiny isn’t good, it become playful, but what if making your path cross is just a part of the game that this playful destiny creates? Making you
Realize that the person you thought that was destined for you wasn't really meant to stay...
But only destined to make you feel loved and leave you when you've already fallen. It’s not easy to state a reason when you decide to leave your love. Some might think its just an excuse... some might not
Actually believe... some will blame you and some will even be mad at you... what they don’t see is the fact that it hurts you...


12/29/08--02:32: "annual changes.." (chan 2682213)

its the upcoming year ender...and here goes! there are a lot of changes that happened in this quiet life of mine..what has occurred and what do i expect to become in the New Year?? much happier..? stronger...better? we-el..here's what's become of me..in a whole year..how i began it..to how it ended..and how i see the New Year for me...

2008 facts:
- i began it happy. VERY HAPPY.
- dad was here. and it was the most celebrated New Year of my whole life after dad left for Jeddah once again.
- the last sem of my whole life...! and i really miss the people in northgate..
- i was a sister, a fighter, a friend, an artist...i fought worlds..and i was reunited with old friends and made a lot of new ones...
- i was BROKEN!!! amf...embarked a heart-breaking episode of my life...picked the pieces...fixed myself...lived in silence, and now...accepting the debris and moved on with life.
- i was a call center agent, i stayed up so so late...i am also an educator...of wounded hearts and new minds.
- i defied ...


12/30/08--09:28: "..the last blog entry for him..." (chan 2682213)

here i am..walking away.
but made a pass through the avenue of our memories..
and they will never wither..
my smile when i was with you..
and the love i felt for you...
it will remain with me wherever and whatever i may be..
you will always be a special part of this life of mine..
you will always be that special crayon in this canvas of mine..
you are that special song..and i will never stop hoping to turn back the time...
just to be with you again...and replay all the times we shared..
here i am...remembering every word and promise we made for each other..
and with a smile and a tear in my eye...
i remember you..
if only i can paint you..and those eyes..
if i have the power to re-create memories..
i will keep you with me for the rest of my life.

...i thank you for being a special part of my life..
a person who made me see me in a different view..
i thank you for all the times...over and over..
and even if you know already how i feel..may you know that i'll be feeling it all over my whole life..
...i do...


01/12/09--17:34: info.staff@ enchanted kingdom!! (chan 2682213)

wee..! after a long time! finally! enchanted kingdom! hahaha! ^^ hapi2 pics with sir rommel and ms.janet and all the other staff.. break from all the stress..and


01/27/09--04:58: three days in leyte!! ^^ (chan 2682213)

me and my pa2...in albuera leyte, other pics from pagompon and in agalon! wee..!! i love the sea...the beautiful twilight and the big sea.. quiet place..i will miss my lola and lolo.. and my uncles. and speaking bisaya! i'll master that!! kapoy! hahaha! ^^


05/04/09--10:34: "after 48 years..." (chan 2682213)

yes yes and more yes..

after a long time of making a pass here in my multiply acct..i finally decided to write another blog. (missed this...!)

lots of things changed...from being emo to being emo still. *giggles* and from being a student, to an agent, to a lecturer, to still...an instructor.
..m still teaching...never thought of this as my path in life...but well, life is like a box of chocolates...you'll never know what you'll get. and thank God i do well with my teaching career, with my patience extended to a kilometer day by day..with a new list of friends and colorful personalities..of different lives altogether. glad to be an inspiration and a part of global change and a gate for opportunity for a lot of people.

my million thanks to Rommel Quimpo for this chance..and to God for all the glory. ^^

...life right now? ever-changing.
pasay. cavite city...from city noise to tranquil of the seaside.
the difference...me.

and i wish i have more of these to come.



06/02/09--12:28: "pain anniversary.." (chan 2682213)

it's been a long long time, in a long long while..
i wonder how you are right now?
are you well...? are you doin' ok...
do think and dream...are you smiling...?
life's changed a long way since we parted ways..
this is the marking day...
from then before i feel stronger now..as i look back to the memoirs..
i recall our smiles...and how i wish them to never end..
how i kept moving on without you with me..
how i lived..how i was hurt and somehow i am slowly healed.

time changes us all i know..
and i wonder...will i ever see you again?
and if i do...what will i do?
shall it all come back to me...or shall it be fading..?

but now it is the time to say goodbye to this book of you and me..
to the pain i had felt..and now i am left with myself..
now is the time that i have to even out the scales..
of my pain and happiness..

wish i can hope again..
smile again like when i was with you..
to hug and risk and love
as i had done with you...
you'll always be my inspiration...to re-live this shattered world..and to pursue ...


08/25/09--09:42: "..wishlist.." (chan 2682213)

free shoutout:

you asked for my side? you ask for the reasons why?
here's why..

...i only did it because i had to. i wish there's another way but it is too late to make changes now. for some reason at that time it was the right thing to do, to save things..to keep making things well...good and going. but well...turned out at the worse right? i aint a Lelouch...but with coincidence i had it all in me..and now i am the main target and i have to lose something so valuable...to do something so honorable, only recognized by the people who know and who care to see. blind people cannot make other blind people see...but the consequence is inevitable. this is how it had to be..with all my misfortune.

...but that's no longer the point.
he was hurt, he cannot believe it. and it is the reason why things had become this way.
it is the main reason why i can no longer be with him, the reason why he just tolerated me...and didnt love me anymore. it is the main reason why it had been as cold and as hard as i...


04/17/10--06:05: "..wonder thoughts" (chan 2682213)

i miss multiply!
and i was really thinking of updating my account again.

...i need an outlet of thoughts..and here..(well i can't update with the pix though..,some other time. :D)

here's one:

...no matter what happens, when you really value a person, when that specific person became an important component of your life...there's no really getting rid of that person.
.
i just realized that thought.
.

before, i prayed to God for these funny things in my heart to go away. i was fed up with the crying, the drama and most specially, with the emotional turmoil accepting has to make me feel. it was inevitable: what they normally call a closed case, only i, i guess..was just too blind to see how things really are.

..but now, just when i thought they went away..it's not that easy.

it was a long and an ongoing thing. a year and three months.
six months official, two months of happiness..the rest was agonizing.
not really, i was happy about it. happy. why? i didnt let it go. i kept believing things would chan...